Playing For a Moment

A love letter to playing games

Sep 20, 2022

Mario Still Life by Photia on DeviantArt

“Why wouldn’t you tell someone you loved them? Once you loved someone, you repeated it until they were tired of hearing it. You said it until it ceased to have meaning. Why not? Of course, you goddamn did.”
― Gabrielle Zevin, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow

Hi friends,

From midnight to five this morning I dreamed I was a character in a fantasy video game. Dragons were a familiar sight. Gold coins, the currency. I dreamed myself as a purple-haired owner of a bustling tavern/inn, heroes coming in and out and retelling their grand, monster-filled stories. This could easily be mistaken for a fantasy novel or show, but the UI in this dream screamed game to me. So I poured their drinks until I woke. Very much an A Story Beside type of dream. And, now that I’m back in this world, I thought it would be a good day to send you a letter about games. I know it’s a little different than what I usually write about, but I hope you’ll stick with me.

It’s likely I dreamed this world because I was up late last night reading Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin. There’s something wonderful about laying in the dark with a blanket pulled up to your nose, the soft light of your kindle illuminating your eyes, and being absorbed into another world until you absolutely have to sleep. When I started reading Tomorrow, I was pleasantly surprised to find myself reading about three complicated, brilliant game designers. This is the first novel I’ve read where game designers were the beating heart of the story. Most of the fiction lining my shelves are about other types of artists as main characters: movie producers, authors, musicians, actors, sculptors, painters, etc. If a gamer did show up in a story as a side character, I wasn’t surprised when their defining traits were some combination of lazy, immature, messy, awkward, and such. And male (most of the time). The gamers and designers who appear in Tomorrow were created with much more depth – baggage and ambitions and secrets and loves and hates. I think Tom Bissel said it best in his book review of Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow: “Literary Gamers will cherish the world she’s lovingly conjured. Meanwhile, everyone else will wonder what took them so long to recognize in video games the beauty and drama and pain of human creation.”

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow is so beautifully human that even if you don’t play games, you’ll find the story still resonates.

Dragons, Time Travel, Moogles, Curses

Here’s an incomplete list of my favorite games: Final Fantasy IX, Dragon Age: Origins, Rakuen, Kentucky Route Zero, Life Is Strange, What Remains of Edith Finch, Stardew Valley, and Hollow Knight

Along with the gameplay, the soundtracks to these games are beautiful. This song is just one example:

Laura Shigihara is one of my favorite composers in the industry.

Guilty Pleasures and Combining Loves

I love playing video games the way I love reading. I love getting lost in a different world for hours (if there’s time). Both have the potential to move me deeply. Both are perfect for rainy days and a cup of coffee. And yet, I treat video games like a guilty pleasure. The guilt part takes center stage. If ever I’m asked what I enjoy doing in my free time, I’ll confidently answer that I love reading and sometimes I’ll admit that I like (love) to play video games with a sheepish half-smile, bracing internally for any sort of judgment.

This is not to say that other people are actually judging me for something as common as playing video games these days. And if they do, I want to say who cares, but I’m still working on the part of me that cares too much about what other people think. And I think the general opinion about gaming is definitely more positive and inclusive these days. Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow is a great example of that. The novel shows to non-gamers that there are a lot of nuanced conversations that are being had about gaming and the games industry.

When I look back on my time gaming I see so much more than indulging in a “guilty pleasure.” I remember enriching experiences, overcoming obstacles, and solving puzzles. Stepping into a new game world can give you that sense of awe you feel when you look at the night sky. Even better, a lot of the time you can go actually into space. See: Outer Wilds, No Man’s Sky, Prey, Dead Space, etc. I also remember games being a place where I could safely explore my sexuality. The fact that my female hero in Dragon Age could enter a romantic relationship with either a female rogue with a mysterious past or a male warrior with a soft heart and no one would bat an eye? I’m grateful I had games like that when I was younger.

This quote from Jane McGonigal comes to mind:

“If you are a gamer, it’s time to get over any regret you might feel about spending so much time playing games. You have not been wasting your time. You have been building up a wealth of virtual experience that, as the first half of this book will show you, can teach you about your true self: what your core strengths are, what really motivates you, and what make you happiest.”
― Jane McGonigal, Reality Is Broken: Why Games Make Us Better and How They Can Change the World

Despite loving McGonigal’s book, I’ve spent a lot of time being embarrassed about gaming, but I’ve also spent double the time trying to combine my love for video games and stories: streaming story-rich games on Twitch at age 19 (something I’d like to return to for fun), creating a now abandoned podcast called “Just the Story” all about video game stories, trying to make my own interactive fiction games with Twine, and thinking that the type of writer I wanted to be was a game writer once I graduated college.

I will always say that games are a fantastic medium to tell gripping, experimental, and layered stories.

These days, I’d still like to find some way to pair video games and my writing. I could see myself dusting off the half, almost-nothing ideas I had for interactive text games. Sometimes I daydream about a romance story with a game designer as one of the MCs. Maybe this letter is a small way of writing about video games still, even if it’s just me saying, “Gosh, I love games.”

What have you been playing lately? Have any favorite games that you’ve gone back to? You can tell me about it in the comments or hit reply to this email. I love hearing from you! And have a great week!

all thoughts included

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